My baby turned ONE...

Yep, it's official. I have a 1 yr old and a 2 yr old! LOL For some reason I love saying that. Teagan had a wonderful first birthday. My dad is here visiting from Florida and it's just beautiful watching them interract with their Dziadek. Teagan had her 1 year appt yesterday and I declined all shots. I've been doing my research on this b/c of Tolla's severe reaction to the MMRV. I read Dr. Sears book The Vaccine Book and I felt really informed in a positive way to make my decision for my daughter. I haven't decided if I will decline all together but for now I'm just delaying it. I want her to be AT LEAST 20lbs before she gets it b/c I feel these shots are being administered unfairly to group all babies of a certain age to a one size fits all dose. My daughter is NOT the average one year old so why should she get the same does a 22lbs 1 yr old does?? Anyway, when I told the dr of my decision his entire demeaner changed, but I was prepared for that. It's ok. I respect his profession and I respect his opinion, but I based my decision on more than that. I trusted all too much the past pediatricians and Tolla paid the price when I went against my instinct. I vowed never to do that again when she was in her surgery.

Now for Teagan's stats: 16lbs 6.6oz 28.25 in I always forget the head cir. The dr did pay her one compliment, he said he had never seen a healthier baby in the middle of winter. He said everything checked out great, ears, throat, lungs. And we're even fighting a little cold. Of course, today she's hacking up a storm. Everytime we go to the dr the girls come back with something. I just hope it passes quickly. She's increased her nursing so I know she's not feeling well. Speaking of nursing, I feel so empowered that we made it to the one year mark. My next goal is 18 mos. Tolla nursed until 16 mos and I would really like to surpass that with Teagan. We'll see. At this point, I leave it up to them. I'm prepared to nurse as long as they would like. Teagan is cruising, clapping, signing more, all done, nurse and change. She has 5 teeth with one more just about to break thru her gums. She says momma and daddy and also says all done and I swear I hear other words but none that I can think of right now.

So, Teagan's party is on Sat. It's very small, one or two friends, my dad and my brother (hopefully). This is good, I'm not prepared for a big to-do. I tried to do that for Tolla and then was disappointed when few people showed up. I ordered her cake today and can't wait, it sounds so yummy -- choc with rasp filling! omg, I'm going to be so bad. The party is from 130-300 so I'm not sure what I'll do for food. Probably just some chips and dip and maybe some light finger sandwiches. I'm not going all out b/c there will be cake and the party is so short. Teagan did get a couple gifts already, one being a little power wheels atv car. OMG, it's too cute. She's a little unsure about it (and of course Tolla is digging it) but it was so cute to see her on it. She looked like such a big girl yet still my baby.

I know I've seriously lagged on posting on my blog and will try to be more diligent!

Selling and giving away baby clothes

It seems I'm always going thru the outgrown clothes for the girls. It's easy enough when Tolla outgrows something b/c I just put it in a box for that size and save it for Teagan. But, recently, Teagan has started to outgrow her clothes. As I take the outgrown clothes out of her drawers I hold them up and fold them gingerly remembering her wearing each outfit. It's so dorky I know but I do it. Then I decide whether to sell it or just put it in a box to my bestfriend in Florida. I already sent her a big box of newborn stuff and now I'm getting ready to send some 3-6 mos stuff. How much handmedown stuff is too much? I guess she'll let me know when I should stop sending. I just hate to think that they won't get another baby to wear them. Some of the outfits were so cute and it's touching that part of me that is so sad to think that I will not have a baby that small again. Maybe, just maybe down the road I'll have another one but right now I don't think that will happen. I would love to have a little boy if I could some day but for now I just have to put away that part of my life and that means purging the clothes. I know it seems so irrational to feel this way. I love my girls and how they are growing and changing but still.....it's those tiny clothes that get me every time.

BabyBodyBirth

I received this email for this company offering training to become a certified childbirth educator with their curriculum. At first it was weird to get this email but then I realized I'm a CAPPA member so that's probably how they got a hold of my info. I am really excited as this seems to be the route I would like to go to start my path to becoming a doula. Today I called the founder, and spoke to her at great length about her company, vision and ideas. While I'm a little hesitant as it is a new company and new to training CBE's the vision really clicked with me. It's more about the woman and less about the hospital or procedures. It seems more intuitive to me while still being informative. It is more positive than scary. I really want to do it. The cost is quite a bit more than if I became a CBE thru CAPPA, but I felt more connected with this curriculum. I feel like I will have more one on one support as well since we will all be working to make the company a success. I still have more questions of course but I just feel really excited about this. TJ said he supports me if this is what I want to do. The cost overall would be about $800. Looking at the website they charge $150/couple for the 5wk birth series and about $60 for their other body and baby classes. I honestly feel that in my area there would be a great demand for these types of classes and I could probably get my midwives to refer their clients to me. Also, the birthing center out here had very positive things to say about BBB and referring their clients to the classes as well. This email and information just seemed to come to me at a right time as I've been thinking about what to do so often. My goal in '08 is to begin my path to doula certification and I think that will be via becoming a CBE. I just need to make sure we can justify this cost.

Disgusted with my body

I had to buy new clothes today. Why? Because my hubby's company holiday party is tomorrow. I am wearing a size 18. It's nasty. I bulge everywhere a woman shouldnt' be bulging. I used to be beautiful. I used to be sexy. Now I eat, eat, eat. I haven't stopped eating like I was pregnant since I gave birth to my two beautfiul girls. I look at women with babies younger than my youngest that look WAYYYYY better than me and I want to kill myself. I can't believe I let myself end up this way. Weight issues run in my family and I used to be so active and work out all the time and eat healthy. Now I eat what is convenient, I cook what is easy and not exactly healthy. I gave up my gym membership years ago and even though I buy work out videos, they just sit on my shelf mocking me.

So, I took pics of myself in this hideous outfit I had to buy b/c it fit. I also bought all kinds of undergarments to try and hide the bulges. I feel like when everthing is on my chin multiplies b/c that's the only place for the fat to run to. I'm dreading tomorrow. D-R-E-A-D-I-N-G. I just know people are going to think I'm pregnant again and I'm not, that's the worst part. Why the hell does plus size stuff have to be empire and look like it's maternity????? All this said, I don't see myself losing weight anytime soon. Nice, huh? I hate myself but I'm too lazy to actually do something about it. Yup. Sucks to be fat. Sucks to be stuck in a rut.

Hey, at least my girls are going to look divine in their matching dresses.

Feeling Funky again

I donated my hair yesterday to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths. I've been wanting to cut my hair for awhile as I just haven't been feeling the long hair anymore. I prefer short hair. I had so much that I knew I didn't want it just getting swept away to the dumpster when I decided to go short again. I found out about Beautiful Lengths on Oprah. Hillary Swank donated hers on the show and as soon as I saw it I knew I would be cutting my hair soon.

I've been wanting to do something funky again and saw a link to purple hair (thanks Alicia) and knew that's what I wanted to do.

So yesterday I went and here is the finished effect. I LOVE it.







We went out to dinner last night and stopped for coffee at the new Starbucks that opened near our house. I picked up an application as I we've decided I'll work outside the home PT instead of working from home as that's getting too stressful for me. I love the idea of working at Starbucks b/c 1. great ins benefits, 2. free coffe and 3. working with people that speak in complete sentences! LOL I think the adult interaction will be great for me. My dh said between my hair, tattoo and nose ring I'm a sure thing for the job. LOL

Going back to school

I finally came to the decision to go back to school. I've always been into graphic design, web page development, etc. and now I want to get the hands on training to actually do it. I was walking down this path before I got preggo with Tolla and of course had my handsful ever since. Now that Teagan will be a year in Jan and there are NO plans for another baby anytime soon, I thought what the hell, let me dip my toes back into the pool of school.

I will probably only take one class just to ease my way back in and see if this is really what I want to do. I'm a little nervous because to be honest, the last time I took a couple of courses, I dropped out before the semester ended. I think because this is something I really want to do it will be differet.

I still want to work towards becoming a doula as well. It's just that will be so much harder at this point in time. And I really really really need to witness a birth before I make that decision. I'm not sure about the whole ick facter outweighing the helping/amazing factor. My bf is due today and I'm so sad that I don't live back in Florida so I could be there with her. Ah well. The opportunity for that will present itself eventually.

Happy Halloween

This was the first year we took Tolla out to trick or treat. We had fun even though we got a later start than I wanted. We went to our neighbor Gail's house first. Tolla went inside and didn't want to leave. LOL We hoped this wasn't a trend and she only did so cuz we go over there once in a while. However, the next house we went to we don't visit and she tried to go in again! uh oh. We told her she couldn't and she didn't try to go into any more houses (thank goodness). She loved ringing the doorbells and saying trick or treat, then she'd open her little bag (as long as mommo would remember to let go her hand). She'd always say thank you afterwards. A couple times she kept her bag open and got a few more treats! LOL There was one house we went to that was really decorated and the guy was dressed up like a skeleton on the porch while you ring the doorbell. He was really quiet and just kind of waved his fingers at Tolla. She would not take her eyes off him! I don't know what she thought of him but even after she got her treat and we put her back in the wagon she just wouldn't stop staring. I think she may have been a little scared. It was cute and he said happy halloween as we were leaving. She just had a blast though. As we pulled up to the next house she'd already be trying to get out of the wagon to go up to the door! It didn't seem like there were a lot of trick or treaters out this year though. In past years I remember the street being lined with kids and this year it wasn't like that. We still have a ton of candy left over and I think because we didnt' decorate for halloween this year we didn't get as many trick or treaters. Bummer, we'll definately be decorating next year! Here are some pics: And some video of Tolla earlier in the day: