Today, we give our dog, Titania to a new home. She has been our baby since the first year of our marriage and I'm walking around perpetually pissed off because of this decision. Mostly, I'm pissed because my husband said that we needed to find them a new home because of Tolla's allergies and the minute I finally do find a new home for one of them he wants to change his mind. I do too but it's already happened. I've already given up I suppose. The guy is coming in 20 minutes. I know he'll be very prompt because that is the type of person he is. As the minutes count down I get worse and worse. Pissier and Pissier. When I put Tolla down for her nap, I had her give Titania a hug and a kiss. I've told her all day that Titania is going to a new home and will have new sisters. She's only 2, I don't know how much she's understanding. I'm pretty sure it's not going to hurt her like it's hurting me.
The shitty thing is, I've negleted this little dog since Tolla was born. I mean, she's still fed and hydrated but I don't hold her on my lap or pet her like I once used to. Hell, she used to sleep in our bed until we had babies. I remember when I picked her out. I found her online and just fell in love with her cute little face immediately. She was so freakin adorable. And tiny. How is she going to feel? How do you tell a dog that you're doing this because you love her and you love your daughter? In my mind, I'm doing what is best for both of them. Titania is going to a home with a single older guy, he has two other smaller dogs and will get the attention she deserves. And then there is Tolla still. Yes, she is allergic to dogs and its seems to be getting worse even with the medication but she still LOVES those dogs! She hugs them and wrestles with them. And yet I know that's not good for her. And who knows what the long term affects of that medication is.
Oh, and the real kick in the ass for me: I was talking to my brother yesterday and he said you know, when you were two mom and dad found out you were allergic to dogs and that's why we got rid of Lady. Lady is this dog that my dad had when he met my mom. She was the ultimate of all dogs. She was well trained and I always heard stories growing up about Lady. The thing is, I thought she passed away before I was even BORN! I never never never knew that she was around for the first 2 years of my life!!! This, for some reason, was HUGE news for me. And it struck a chord so deep inside it's still resonating. The past 24 hours, I've been searching myself. What does this mean?
Well, less than 15 mins to go. I better go get ready to say my good-byes.
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2 comments:
Oh goodness.. I am so sorry about your dog!! How brave of you to do that!! I would have been a wreck, I am so sorry, but you did it for the best!! my heart goes out to you all!!!
aww carisa I'm sorry that you had to give your dog away... I felt absolutely horrible when we had to put our cat Molly to sleep... I hadn't even noticed that she wasn't acting like her normal self until I thought about it in hindsight... I too neglected the animals emotionally after the kids were born... I guess my other two cats are reaping the benefits of that guilt now, but I *still* feel like crap about it. At least she's going to a good home, hugs to you.
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