Therapist Appointment

I made an appt to see a therapist today. It's not for another month. But for some reason, I feel liberated just making the appointment. It's not that I think I have major issues or I feel depressed. There are just some things that I would like to air out with someone not completely involved in my life, ie. husband, mom, brother, friends. Some things that are in my mind that I think about regarding my life and all that is going on with it don't need to be told to people I know! LOL At least those that I see on a daily basis anyway. I'm much more open to my friends on my mommy boards than the friends I see in real life. But I'm sure that is how it is for most people.

Some of the things that I feel need to be aired are "issues" between my husband and me. Sometimes I feel like I'm not sure who I married anymore (and if he were completely honest, I think he'd say the same thing). It's not that I don't love him, because I love him so much. I married him for a reason. It's just that I feel like we're pulling in the opposite direction of each other. I don't think he's happy with his life as a father and that's part of the thing that destroys me. When we got married he said he wanted 4 kids and now it's changing and me, I want more more more! LOL I secretly envy women with large families. I think of how much those kids are going to have in the future when all they have are each other.

The other thing is money. Ahhh, that's the huge one. It seems like in the 12 years we've known each other, we've always been struggling and we make way MORE now than we ever have! I know that has something to do with our spending (I'm not naive) but it's something that I seriously need to get a handle on. Money doesn't determine MY happiness but when we struggle like we do, I can feel the pressure on my DH a lot more and see it affecting his personality. I think sometimes, if we didn't have those damn money problems, we'd be so happy, but I'm sure there would be something else. So there lies the therapist. First for me. Then I'll approach my DH about doing joint therapy or even individual for him. I'm so open to that.