I'm impatient

I'm an impatient person. I always have been. When I want something, I want it NOW. NO I wasn't an only child but my only brother was 7 yrs older so maybe I was treated that way somewhat. Anyway, I really really really want to be a doula. After the birth of my 2nd daughter I felt like it was my calling. I knew I couldn't just keep on having children and I've always been fascinated with pregnancy and birth and felt my own were so empowering, etc. so becoming a doula felt right. I remember talking to my midwife about it at my 6 wk pp appt and she felt the same way after the birth of her 2nd child and that is why she became a midwife. It was so great to talk to her and realize that I'm not too old to have finally found what I want to do with me life.

The thing that totally bums me out is that I wish I could take classes, training workshops, attend births etc. RIGHT NOW. I just can't afford it. We can't afford it. I know it will be so nice to get out of debt and this is the thing we must be focused on right now, but it still doesn't help the yearning in my heart to get this started! I don't even know how I will work it out but it just has to. One thing that I know I have to do is at least witness one birth. I've never seen a birth other than my own (other than video) and a part of me is worried that I won't be able to handle it (i.e bodily fluids, etc.). But then the other part of me thinks that I will because I feel so passionate about the whole process -- it just can't be for myself -- I feel this desire to pass it along to other women. All aspects, pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, the post partum period. All of it.

Anyway, on a whim, I decided to check out craigslist to see if there were any doulas advertising there in my area. There was ONE. Just one. And she had a beautiful website that just made me so envious that she is fullfilling her dream and I'm stuck wishing and hoping that someday.... I think I'm going to contact her tomorrow though. She is beginning her certification process (using a different doula certification than I was looking into) so I thought it would be neat to talk to someone who is kind of just starting her journey. I was reading her website and she is becoming a doula for the same reasons that I want to. I felt connected already! Hey, if anything, I might find a new friend. She has a daughter 2 mos older than Teagan and play dates are always nice! ;) And maybe, just maybe we can build a business together. You never know.